Nobody Cares That I'm Broken
by Lthien
Summary: Set after season 7. ep 17. ""C-Cas…!" Dean wailed again, his body rocking sickeningly in his chains, tearing his body up further. Lucifer stood next to Dean, a few fingers caressing his chin in thought as he watched Castiel's reaction." I was mad when Sam and Dean just left Cas there and I feel that there needed to be more whump scenes of broken!Cas T for cursing and blood... :)
1. Sympathy for the Devil

_Season 7, ep. 17:_

* * *

"I don't know," Sam said, gasping as he followed after his brother, his eyebrows knit. "I mean, we can't just leave him!"

"Well, we can't bring him!" Dean snapped back, his demeanor assured even as he walked further away from the hospital and to the Impala. Dean looked at his brother head-on, his green eyes piercing. "Everything on the planet is out for us, okay? Word gets out; we can't protect him…not really. This is safer." Dean swung open Baby's door and paused, his eyes still on his brother.

"Every demon that knows about Cas is dead."

"Not everyone," Sam said, his facial expression worried and dead serious, as he looked his brother in the eyes. "Look, Dean, this whole 'enemy-of-my-enemy is my friend' thing feels kind of like a demon deal."

Dean looked down, his facial expression blank and thoughtful. Then the elder Winchester looked his brother in the eyes again, desperate. "It's not a deal, it's—"

"—It's _what_?" Sam challenged, his shoulders shrugging sarcastically.

Dean was quiet as he thought of the right words. Then he looked up again, his face blank. "Mutually assured destruction." Sam looked taken aback, an incredulous huff coming from deep within his throat.

Dean stopped him then and there. "Look man, I get it, she's not our friend. We don't even have friends. All our friends are dead!" Dean got into the driver's seat, slamming his door, leaving a disgruntled Sam in his wake.

* * *

_One week later…_

* * *

"_All right_," Meg practically sang as she entered Castiel's room, within her hands several trays of food. It was all for show really, being that the angel never ate. However, the hospital they were in had started noticing that Castiel hadn't eaten anything for a few days now, not even water, which brought him unneeded attention—especially for his quote, unquote, 'nurse.'

Meg sighed as she set down the food upon the angel's bed, her hands coming to rest upon her hips. Cas paid her no mind, the angel perched on the end of his bed lifelessly.

This was the fourth day Castiel was like this: lifeless, like he held nothing within him, and if Meg wasn't a demon she would be worried. The demon took out her cell, her black lacquered nails typing away:

_To: Dumbass 1_

_Ur angel continues not to eat. The humans are getting pissy. Force is useless btw, he bit me yesterday. If he does it again I'll send his head flying._

_Meg_

Meg put away her phone and looked at Castiel again, the angel yet to move. She snapped her fingers once, then twice, trying to get his attention. When he still didn't look at her she walked over and gripped his face in her hands, forcing him. Black eyes met glassy blue and the demon smiled.

"Eat something or die, Castiel. Those are your only options here. I honestly don't give a shit either way; I'm just done trying to baby you, and having to listen to those bloodbags bitch at me all day. So choose, or I will choose for you."

* * *

Dean sighed wearily as he pulled his phone from his back pocket, flipping it open. _Bitch, _it read and the elder Winchester groaned loudly.

"What?" Sam asked as he walked out of their hotel bathroom, the younger hunter continuing to brush his teeth.

"It's Meg," Dean told him as he hit the 'ok' button to see the message. Sam's eyebrows knitted together and his toothbrush paused, the man waiting to hear what she had to say. By the sick look on his brother's face he knew it wasn't good.

"What is it, Dean? What did she say?" Sam asked and looked over his brother's stiff shoulder, his eyes flickering side-to-side as he read the screen.

So, Cas still wasn't eating.

Sam gulped. "How many days has it been? Three?"

"Four," Dean corrected his brother stiffly, his throat tight. Dean snapped his phone shut and shoved it in his back pocket, his hands coming up to rub roughly at his face. Sam looked even more worried then, his eyes looking down at his watch. 7:35 pm, if they left now they could get there a little past one a.m.

"Dean, maybe we—"

"—Not gonna happen," Dean told him quickly, one forefinger wagging at him warningly.

"But, Cas—"

"—Will be fine, okay? He's a freaking angel, remember? Four days without food isn't going to kill him. Hell, he doesn't even need it; not really. After all, he chose not to eat. Besides, we're on a case right now, if you don't remember!" Sam looked sickened.

"He's broken, Dean! He took on my sickness—"

"—_He's _the one who _did it to you_, Sam! Don't you forget that! He freaking broke your wall and left you drooling all over yourself! He did it to himself!"

Sam's eyes darkened. "You heard him, he only did what he thought was right. Yes, what he did was wrong but he was out of options. He's our friend, Dean—_your_ friend. He would die for you! Look at what he did for us—for _me_.

"He saved me, Dean. My wall was going to come down sooner or later, you know that. I couldn't help it, it was like an itch I just couldn't scratch and now it's gone. Cas took it all away—_everything. _You have no idea what he's going through right now, do you?" Dean looked taken aback, his jaw slackened, until he thought of what breaking Sam's wall had done to his brother, and the culprit who did it.

"Whatever Cas is feeling, he deserves it. He broke you, Sam; left you to die, and I can't forgive that." Dean didn't wait for Sam's reply as he stormed out the door, the cheap clock shaking wearily upon the equally cheap wall.

* * *

For Cas, the angel seemed to think the same as Dean. Though his mind was fried, like Sam's was before him, some part of it kept turning. His mind was overwhelmed, really. He seemed to think of everything at once, the thoughts crippling him further. Not to mention…Lucifer. Oh yes, his brother was nonstop.

"Hey, Cassie," Lucifer called for the hundredth time, the Devil holding a medical book, flipping the page, enthralled. "Don't you miss the good ole days when anesthesia wasn't around? Everything is just too boring nowadays…Too clean for my taste. And you?" Castiel stayed quiet as he had been since the very beginning, staring at the white wall before him. Lucifer sighed long and hard, his head flopping back childishly. He tossed the book he held at Castiel, the angel not even flinching as it moved past him.

"_Boooorrrinnngg_," Satan sang loudly as he plopped next to Castiel on the medical bed, his legs swinging happily. "I miss Sam, at least he would talk to me time-to-time." The broken angel looked at him then, a long-lost spark coming to play in his blue eyes. Lucifer looked euphoric, a sinister smile warping his lips.

"Pressing your buttons, am I, brother?" Satan murmured as Castiel seemed to realize just what he had given away. The angel quickly turned his head, his blue eyes wide and frightened.

"Oh no, Cas, can't have that…I just finally found you."

Suddenly the presence next to him was gone and Lucifer's voice was calling out to him again, from the opposite side of the room. Castiel shut his eyes, trying his best not to give in to the temptation as the Devil continued to call his name.

He deserved this, yes. He deserved everything coming to him, be that hunger, Lucifer, or death. Or all, he really didn't care.

But it was just all too much…

"_CAS_!"

Castiel opened his eyes in shock. "D-Dean?" The angel croaked and looked at Lucifer.

Big mistake.

There was Dean all right, wrapped in chains and soaked in blood—like he was in Hell. The hunter's stomach was split open, blood and entrails spilling out upon the white tile below him. Dean's green eyes were huge, teary, and filled with a pain unknown to any living man.

This was the Dean Castiel had saved from the Pit. Yet, it wasn't his brother's name he was now calling.

"C-_Cas_…!" Dean wailed again, his body rocking sickeningly in his chains, tearing his body up further. Lucifer stood next to Dean, a few fingers caressing his chin in thought as he watched Castiel's reaction.

Horror washed over Castiel, his blue eyes threatening to pop from his skull. The angel couldn't scream loud enough to make it stop—he couldn't tell Dean over and over again that it was okay, and that none of it was real.

For this Dean it was real, and he was choking on his blood right in front of Cas—Cas who could do nothing but scream, apologize, claw at his own face, and curse Lucifer's existence.

"Ow! Watch it!" Meg growled angrily.

Meg had busted in a while back and was now literally fighting with Castiel to remain still, the demon trying her best to restrain the wailing angel in the arm and leg restraints. Only, Castiel wasn't having any of it, for it was not Meg who he was seeing. It was Dean.

It was Dean, bloody, crying, Dean Winchester who kept begging Castiel to save him.

"I-I did! I did, I did, I did, I did, I did, I _did_…Dean! Dean! So sorry, Dean! I'm _so sorry_!" Castiel screamed over and over again as his friend reached for him, the slick of his blood staining his trench coat, white pants, and shirt. Lucifer laughed loudly as he watched, his eyes dancing childishly in the fluorescent lighting.

"Oh, Cassie, I do believe we have much more fun to be had yet!"

"Oh my God, will you just shut up?!" Meg growled wickedly and gripped Castiel by the lapels of his trench coat. The demon shook him violently and Castiel soon met with the blessed abyss of unconsciousness as the back of his head met with the backboard of his metal bed. One final cry left his lips as the demon let go of him, the angel sagging pathetically upon the bed. The last thing he saw was Lucifer, the Devil feigning empathy as he gripped the back of his head, smile wide.

He had won.

"Thank you!" Meg told Castiel appreciatively, unconscious or not, and sighed deeply. The demon pulled out her cell phone and pressed dial, her free hand coming up to press against her pounding head.

"Yeah, hey, dumbass, did you get my text before? Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever…He's flipping his shit over here…No, he hasn't eaten anything, haven't you been listening to me? He kept screaming your name though. I mean, he was your boyfriend first." Meg smiled then at Dean's answer, hatred in her eyes. "You too, sweetie. Yeah, I'll be here, maybe. See you then."

Meg tossed her phone on the bed, the demon looking down at Castiel angrily. "I liked you better when you were quiet…" At Castiel's obvious silence she sighed and sat down next to him, her eyes locking onto a few drops of blood that trailed down the back of his neck.

"Shit," Meg grumbled and went to investigate. Yep, more blood, probably from the hit to the head from before. The demon then went to the white dresser opposite of the bed and grabbed the medical gauze.

"You tell Dean and I'll freaking kill you, you stupid angel," Meg grumbled to herself as she wrapped the gauze around Castiel's limp head.

* * *

**A/N: Me messing around with season 7…I was pissed when Sam and Dean just left Cas there and I feel that there needed to be more whump scenes of broken!Cas, I mean he did see Lucifer after all. What do you guys think? Yay, nay? **

**Best wishes as always,**

**Lthien**


	2. I Gotta Get Outta Here

**A/N: Wow…Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad I'm not the only one here! :)**

* * *

"Dean, what else did she tell you?" Sam asked for the hundredth time as he followed his brother down the very same hallway he had hoped he would never see again—the hospital's Psychiatric Ward. Dean gave the bleached white hall a swift look from side to side as he walked on, his demeanor untrusting and stoic. A few nurses ogled at them, as usual, but nothing more, and Sam soon matched his brother's quick pace, falling to the left of Dean.

After Meg's call, Dean had finally realized something really was off about Castiel. After all, Meg would never have called him—_never_. Not to mention there was something off about her voice. Though annoying as usual, her words held a sense of fear in them—in her voice, and if there's one thing Dean Winchester knows, it's that if a _demon _seems _frightened_ by something, something is terribly wrong. Only, this is _Cas. _

"All that I told you," Dean said with a sassy, forced, smile. Sam wasn't amused. Dean rolled his eyes. "Look, man, she said Cas is messed up. No shit. No news there, okay?" Sam gave his brother a knowing look, his eyes sharp.

"Then why are we here?" Dean shut his eyes for a split second, recalling the moment when Meg answered that question for him last night, not five minutes after her call.

_Lucifer._

Just with that one word, one text, Dean had told Sam that they were leaving. They had cleared out their hotel room in less than ten minutes, the Impala's tries screeching off into the night.

Dean looked at Sam, one name on his lips, "Lucifer." Sam immediately paled, the 6'4 man looking that of a small child. Dean looked at his baby brother sympathetically, his right hand coming up to clasp onto his broad shoulder.

"…That's why," Dean murmured softly as he found himself face-to-face with Castiel's equally white door. The hunter looked at his brother once then knocked on the door. Within one second the door was swung open and two white hands reached for the both of them, pulling them into the room with unnecessary force. The two men found their backs slammed against a white wall, Meg glaring at them accursedly. Loud cries clouded their senses and both men were paralyzed for a complete second, before the anger set in.

"_What the hell_?" Dean roared and he and Sam both slapped Meg's hands away, Sam reaching into his jacket pocket for the Demon Blade. Meg followed his movements.

"Oh, _yeah_, smite me oh 'Mighty Smiter,' _please_!" Meg growled out sarcastically over the horrid wails, her eyes dancing with Hell fire. Dean ignored her—had to—as the pitiful cries drew his attentions to the bed behind Meg. In it lay Castiel, the angel strapped forcefully upon it, thrashing wildly like a man possessed.

"_N-n-no,"_ Cas gasped, fat tears running down the sides of his face. "_St-stop it…"_

"C-Cas," Dean gasped and tried to run past Meg, who grasped onto his arm, stopping him.

"He can't hear you!" Meg growled when Dean tried to hit her again. "Look, he hasn't heard anyone since last night! Where the Hell were you two?! I almost called again; I thought you had changed your minds!" Dean looked like a deer in the headlights, his eyes strained on Castiel.

"W-we got on the road after your call," Sam told the demon, the hunter pushing away from the wall, his eyes falling upon Cas himself, his face torn. "God, what do we do?" Sam couldn't help but wonder if this is how Dean felt staring down at him. Now, it was Castiel his brother couldn't take his eyes off of, and it was breaking Sam's heart.

Dean was silent, horrified, as he watched Castiel throw his head back in pain, his blue eyes impossibly wide and teary. As the angel's usually gruff voice died in his throat, so did the hunter's heart.

This wasn't the Castiel he knew—this wasn't Cas in the slightest.

Castiel was broken. Shattered.

Dean wrenched his arm out of Meg's grasp and plopped down in the vacant chair by Castiel's so called 'bed,' one hand coming up to rub at his face, ashamed.

"I don't know what to do anymore," Meg told Sam honestly, turning around to eye Castiel herself. "The morphine isn't working at all…He's a freaking angel! The whole freaking Mad-House is going berserk over this! They've given him enough morphine to put a freaking _elephant _in a _coma _and he still won't stop screaming!"

Dean tore his face out of his hands, his green eyes fierce. "There has to be _something_!" The hunter cried, gripping onto the safety bars that caged Castiel in. Dean looked upon his friend again, his eyes falling upon the white bandage around his thrashing head. "And what the hell happened to his head?!" Meg shrugged nonchalantly, trying to ignore Castiel's pitiful cries. If looks could kill, she would be dead with the look Dean sent her. The hunter growled aloud and reached for the bandage upon his broken angel's head, his touch surprisingly gentle. To the shock of all, Castiel stopped screaming.

"How the hell did you do that?!" Meg screeched, pissed. Dean didn't have the time to reply as Castiel's eyes snapped open, the enchanting blue shockingly clear as they landed upon Dean. The hunter looked back at him, wide-eyed, his green eyes teary.

"H-hey, Cas," Dean murmured softly, gently. Castiel's eyes widened then, more tears flowing from his unblinking eyes.

"_D-Dean_…," the angel rasped once, his eyes squeezing shut in obvious woe. Dean's heart broke, as did Sam's.

"C'mon, buddy, hey…" Dean murmured, a nervous laugh coming from the back of his throat, as his sweaty fingers pulled a loose strand from Cas' bandage.

"Oh, _oh_," A voice only Castiel could hear bellowed joyfully, through a mega-phone no less. Castiel let out another pitiful wail, the angel's arms thrashing once more in their restraints—the need to cover his ears from the blast too great. The Devil had been torturing him for hours now, the mega-phone a new addition.

"Prince Charming here to save the day! Prince Charming here to save the day, hooray!" Lucifer chanted over and over again, the wicked creature fist-pumping the air and prancing around the room vigorously. Castiel yelled at him to stop.

"C-Cas, stop it!" Dean cried alongside Castiel, the hunter gripping onto his shoulders, pushing the angel further onto the bed. Castiel continued to curse at Lucifer, in Enochian no less.

"There's no use!" Meg told Dean uselessly as Dean continued trying to bring the broken angel back into reality. "He's gone, you foolish human! You might as well put that stupid blade of yours to use and put him out of his freaking misery!" Sam looked at her the same time Dean did, the look in both their eyes making her wince.

"_Get_, _out_," Sam told the demon through clenched teeth, his right hand wrapped around said blade's hilt, ready to strike. Dean couldn't have said it any better himself, for he would have just slain her then and there. Only, Castiel held his attention now, not a bitch of a demon. Meg smirked at Sam, her demeanor cocky.

"Oh? Shall I tell everyone the news, then?" Meg pulled out her cell, her fingers tapping on the keyboard threateningly. "Our favorite little tree-topper has finally fallen off the tree…?"

"_You bitch_," Sam growled and pulled out the blade.

"Sam, stop!" Dean cried, one hand extended, and Sam looked at his brother in shock. Dean ignored him, his stare falling upon Meg who looked nervous.

"Get the hell out of here, _bitch_, and remember this: I spared you once today. You threaten Cas again and I will _personally _kill you, you got that? Screw Crowley, you will answer to _me._" Meg looked put-off and stormed out of the room without warning.

"_Good luck with Lucifer, Castiel! I hear he was quite a treat!_" The demon called out loudly, the heels of her boots clacking loudly down the hallway. Sam looked ready to follow after her, and Dean looked ready to let him, but several nurses walked past the room, their eyes flickering back to look at the seemingly deranged Meg. Sam immediately stuffed the blade back into his pocket when the nurses looked into Castiel's room suspiciously, the two women whispering about themselves. When the women passed, Sam looked even more worried.

"_N-no…Sam," _Castiel whimpered and Sam looked down at his friend then, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah, Cas, I'm here," Sam told the angel and walked closer to his friend, brushing his left hand upon one arm. Castiel held both Winchester brothers' attention, Dean to his left and Sam to his right, not that he noticed. The angel continued to whimper, his head tossing from side to side, and Dean could only pet at his hair comfortingly—something he had done for Sammy when he was little.

"God, Sammy, what're we gonna do now?" Dean murmured and looked up at his brother, eyes worried. "We can't leave him here anymore…Who knows if Meg will be back, or if she will be back. Hell, I don't even _want _her back. Look at his head man…I know head wounds, this wasn't self-inflicted, even with all his thrashing; the bitch!"

"I don't know, Dean," Sam said honestly. "Coming here was awful but at least I knew I wasn't going to harm anyone…Maybe it's best if he—"

"—No way in Hell," Dean grumbled. "Look, I left you in here and you were almost murdered. I left Cas in here and he…Look, we're breaking him out of here." Sam's eyes widened but his lips quirked upwards.

"Nightfall?"

Dean smirked. Cas let out another whimper then, Lucifer's name slipping out between his chapped lips. Sam froze, and Dean looked murderous.

"Hell yeah," Dean said out loud, his eyes upon Cas.

They were going to break their angel out of this prison, and they were going to fix him...somehow.

* * *

**A/N: If you see any mistakes please let me know...I wrote this in one sitting ahaha!**

**Best wishes as always,**

**Lthien**


	3. Behind Blue Eyes

As planned Dean and Sam waited until nightfall, the two hunters now parked just outside of the hospital. It was hard actually getting up to leave Castiel, even after their minds were set on breaking the angel out. Cas was just so pitiful—so frightened, that the two brothers couldn't think of the divine being as anything more than a broken man—not a bad ass Angel of the Lord.

When they had finally gotten the nerve to go a few nurses flooded into the room after them, one walking over to check the angel's I.V. and the other going to check on his morphine level. Dean and Sam had waited by the door, their stomach's churning as each woman looked either worried, horribly confused, or both. After all, Cas was an _angel_, not a human, and the two brothers definitely had to break Castiel out before the doctors tried any odd tests on the poor being.

The thought of actually trying to sign him out had crossed their minds only once. After all, there was no way in hell that the hospital was going to let Castiel out with the way he was—especially when he kept screaming Lucifer's name out every five minutes or so.

So, felony it was then.

"Dean," Sam murmured worriedly as he looked into the still-lit building. "There's security 24/7, trust me. The place is ridiculously secure." Dean looked up at the building, his stare falling on the third floor of the building, where Cas was. They were so close now.

"Relax, man, really. Look we got an inside man on this, okay? Everything will work out fine." Both Winchester brothers wore their best suits—the fitted ones they always wore for their F.B.I 'missions.'

"I know that, Dean, I'm just a little worried…" Dean's eyes softened then, the elder Winchester knowing that the Psychiatric Ward probably brought back a whole lot of unwanted memories for his little brother.

"I've got you, Sammy, don't worry about it," Dean said reassuringly as he and Sam both got out the Impala, smile wide. Sam about rolled his eyes but smiled back at his brother all the same.

"Yeah, I know."

Both brothers plastered on their best professional smiles as they entered the building, falling into the 'norm.' As they approached the front desk a petite blonde woman looked up from her desk, her eyes widening slightly at the sight of the two gorgeous brothers. Dean noticed her stare immediately and went into full on 'heartthrob mode,' Sam just smiled at her gently, his nerves back.

"Can I help you two?" The blonde asked, scooching up further in her chair, blue eyes wide with interest.

"Actually, yes," Dean said with a smirk, looking down at her name-tag, "Ashley, is it?" Ashley could only nod her head, her cheeks pink. Dean pulled out his F.B.I badge, Sam following suit, and the woman's facial expression fell into one of concern.

"This is agent Perry," Dean said first, Sam nodding his head, "and I am agent Hetfield, of the F.B.I, and I believe our head of command is already here."

"Mr. Richards?" Ashley said, giving away what they needed. Dean smiled.

"Yes…Mr. Richards. We were supposed to come earlier but we got caught up in some F.B.I stuff and couldn't make it." Sam almost rolled his eyes but Ashley nodded her head like she knew exactly what Dean was talking about—or it could be the fact that he was just too gorgeous to take her eyes off of. Hell, he could say anything and she would eat it up like cake.

"He should be in room 315 with a patient by the name of Jimmy Novak." Dean supplied.

After a full minute of silence, Dean's eyebrows rose and he looked decidedly uncomfortable with the way Ashley's eyes seemed to be undressing him. The hunter pulled at his collar nervously, clearing his throat. Sam seemed to be fighting back smile at his brother's discomfort.

"Oh, right, yeah," Ashley scrambled, grabbing the phone off her desk. "One second, let me see if he is still here." Dean just nodded his head, relieved. Not a minute later Ashley hung up, smile wide.

"He is still there! Usually visiting hours are from 7 to 10, but I think we can let this slide—especially for the F.B.I!" Dean smiled handsomely, winking at her. Ashley blushed fuchsia.

"We appreciate that." Sam really did roll his eyes this time.

"Have a nice evening, ma'am," the younger Winchester said, nodding his head, and tugging Dean away by his suit sleeve. As they left Ashley quickly pulled out her cellphone, her pink-tipped fingers tapping away crazily.

"Think you could tone it down a little there? She's probably already told every freaking nurse in here about us." Dean's cocky smile was wiped clean off his face then. Sam sighed and punched the escalator button, fiddling with his tie.

As they reached the third floor they wasted no time finding Castiel's room, the two brothers trying to dodge as many nurses as they possibly could—surprisingly they only met about three of them. They entered Cas's room quietly, scoping the hall once before shutting the door behind them.

Bobby sat in the same chair Dean had earlier that day, his eyes strained on Castiel's shockingly peaceful face. As the door opened, he stood up to greet his two favorite hunters.

"About damn time, ya idjits!" Bobby scolded first and foremost before embracing both tightly.

"God it's good to see you, man," Dean told the fellow hunter honestly before letting him go. His green eyes then fell upon the sole reason they were even there, his face worried.

"He…ah, he's been pretty quiet for a few hours. He wasn't too peachy when I came in though…Just ain't right, is it?" Dean and Sam both shook their heads solemnly.

"Let's just get him the hell out of here," Dean said with finality, the hunter going straight for Castiel. The man quickly pulled each plug out of the wall that was somehow connected to the angel before pulling out his I.V., tossing it to the side. Castiel didn't even flinch. Sam did though but he kept quiet, knowing they had to move quickly.

"I'm going to go ahead and be on the lookout," Sam told them both, stepping out the room. Bobby sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"All right, well where did you two park?"

"The back," Dean answered quickly as he finished tearing all the wires off of Castiel's limp body. Their worries from before seemed to be right on the dot because there was no way in hell all these wires were completely necessary, and Dean looked even more sickened.

"Good," Bobby murmured and patted Dean's back comfortingly. "I'm going to go ahead and go down. I'll be waiting in the parking lot." Dean grunted his consent, the man not trusting his voice, and Bobby left silently and quickly.

Without further ado, the hunter scooped up Castiel rather easily into his arms, wrapping one of Cas's limp arms behind his neck for further support, holding him close. Castiel still didn't make a sound and Dean's stomach was knotting into a tight ball of nerves just looking at him.

"Let's get the hell out of here, Cas," Dean murmured to his ailing, limp, friend, heading towards the door. The hunter used a knee to knock on the door. Sam opened it, nodding at his brother before opening it all the way.

"The last nurse I saw headed down the opposite hall not two minutes ago, and Bobby distracted two more who just tried to come this way."

"Good man," Dean said, nodding, his feet already moving. Sam went ahead of his brother, leading the way.

It well for a while, Sam stopping Dean whenever he had to and vice versa; however, things never go as smoothly as planned, do they?

"Hey, you two, stop!" A gruff voice suddenly called out as the boys turned another corner. Both cursed loudly and bolted for it. The hunters didn't have to look back to know that more than one person was chasing after them.

Dean held Castiel closer to his person, the angel starting to make heart wrenching sounds as the hunter had no choice but to jolt him, and Dean felt pretty damned guilty.

"Don't fight me, Cas! Not now!" Dean warned Castiel as he and Sam both darted down a dark corridor, their shined shoes slipping easily on the white tile below. Castiel just seemed to hold on, his body trembling in fear.

"This way!" Sam called over his shoulder, his hair flopping around wildly. Dean followed obediently, his breath labored.

As Sam reached the exit, he spent no time slowing down and practically ran into the door, shoving it open with his body. "Go, go, go!" He growled out and pushed Dean and Castiel out first. Sam took a split second to look down the hall before following after Dean. Bobby was already in his beat up car, waiting for them.

"Come on!" Bobby roared impatiently. Sam and Dean immediately sped to the Impala, Sam jumping into the driver's seat, stabbing the key in the ignition. Dean practically threw both he and Castiel in the back, the hunter barely having the time to close the door before Sam stepped on the gas, the Impala's tires screeching on the pavement. Dean let out a loud grunt as Castiel was slammed into him forcefully, the angel letting out a sharp cry of pain. Dean soothed the angel the best he could, holding him close as Sam continued to chase after Bobby.

"_STOP_!" More than one voice cried for the hundredth time, furious as the boys sped off into the dead of the night.

Sam looked in the rearview mirror, letting out a sharp hurrah, smile wide. Dean beamed him a brilliant smile, his green eyes twinkling even in the dead of night. He then looked down at Cas happily, the angel still in la-la land.

"We made it, Cas!" Castiel's eyes flickered back and forth behind his closed lids and nothing more, and Dean frowned deeply. Sam looked in the rearview mirror solemnly then, his lips in a thin line.

"Oh, Cas…" Dean murmured sadly, his right hand curling into the angel's trench coat.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was rather hard…sheesh. I hope it read okay. :/ Again, if you see anything off please let me know! :)**

**Best wishes as always,**

**Lthien**


	4. Brain Damage

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING! *contains suicidal thoughts/actions.**

* * *

_A few weeks later…_

* * *

"Hey, Sam, you seen Cas anywhere?" Dean asked as he walked out of Bobby's kitchen rubbing his oil-slick hands together, a dishrag slung over his shoulder. Sam looked up from his laptop, eyebrows raised in concern.

"No? I thought he was with you?" Dean cursed silently, rubbing a smear of black upon his forehead when he went to wipe it.

"He was but…" Dean struggled with the right words, the hunter looking up at the ceiling, his hands moving about him wildly. "You know…ever since he 'woke up' he's been, uh, _aloof_."

"'_Aloof_,'" Sam repeated sarcastically, eyebrows raised even higher. Dean rolled his eyes with an equally sarcastic, uncomfortable as hell, nod.

"I don't know man…He's freaking everywhere. One minute he's there and the next he's in freaking _Australia_ surrounded by, quote, 'unhappy dogs!'" Sam chuckled silently, looking back at his laptop screen. Dean didn't seem amused.

"He's fine, man. He was with Bobby earlier…something about needing to count all the bees."

"Bees…right," Dean mumbled, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. Sam sighed, shutting his computer.

"Look man, I know that this is not what we were expecting; and I know you were adamant on healing him…but, maybe it's impossible to. I mean, at least he's stopped rambling 'Lucifer this' and 'Lucifer that,' right?" Dean nodded stiffly, the hunter reaching for the towel on his shoulder; half strangling it.

"I don't like it, Sam. I don't. Don't you think this change is rather sudden? I mean, less than two weeks ago he was a babbling mess! He was so scared of everything—of you, Bobby, and I, and now he's _counting the bees_? Seriously?" Sam sighed, carding his hands through his hair in thought.

"He's taking all of this better than I did," the younger Winchester said seriously, his fingers subconsciously rubbing against his scar. Sam closed his eyes at the unwanted memory, shaking his head. Dean's eyes saddened then, his shoulders drooping.

"I guess you're right…We just need to keep a better eye on him, I guess. I mean, he is still 'Cocoa for Cocoa-Puffs.'" Sam nodded, smiling softly.

"Agreed," Sam said standing and stretching with a sigh. "Let's go find our runaway angel, huh?"

* * *

Castiel was indeed chasing after a bumblebee, the angel following after it lucidly. He followed it loyally, his eyes never leaving it even as he tripped over root after root, sometimes even his own feet. The angel was in the forest behind Bobby's house, deeply enthralled with everything nature had to give.

He was filthy, covered in dirt from head to toe from being out in the woods for a few hours now. Cas's trench coat was more or less in tatters now after he had fallen in more than one briar patch, the stickily creatures hardly holding him back from his goal: Mr. Bee.

"You're freaking nuts, you know that right?" A voice reminded Castiel right when he reached for the bee. Cas gasped and pressed his hands against his ears, shaking his head wildly; the bee getting away.

He could do that here. Here was okay. Away from all of them…He was safe here.

Castiel let out a sad laugh, head flying back chaotically, his hands pressed against his stomach. When he looked back down Lucifer was watching him disinterestedly, his arms crossed over his chest, his facial expression extremely bored. Cas ignored him, wandering on, an incredibly insane smile upon his lips as he walked right through Lucifer.

"You can't ignore me forever, ya know," Satan said seriously, following after him, swatting a bee. "Sam tried, failed, and I won. I will win here too, Cassie. You're breaking…cracking at the seams, and you know it. Hide it all you want. One day you're going to blow up, and you'll only bring them even more pain." Castiel screwed his eyes shut, trembling.

Cas couldn't give his brother what he wanted. He couldn't give in.

He was okay. He was okay; really…He was o—

"—Bloody insane?" Lucifer supplied, smile wide, giving his back two thumbs up.

God, he was so freaking far from 'okay.'

"Acceptance," Lucifer said, puckering his lips in thought. "You've skipped a few steps there but that's okay. Keep going."

That's what he'd been doing since day one, when he woke up to find himself in the care of the Winchesters—the two people who deserve more than anything to hate him. Castiel broke Sam, thus inadvertently Dean as well. Yet, here they were caring for him…Why? The angel couldn't understand it. All he knew was that he couldn't be a burden to them—not again.

So Castiel hid his fears, and Lucifer, under this 'lucidness' he had somehow managed to create. By allowing his mind to focus on anything, and everything at once, Cas had somehow enabled himself to actually participate in life; though he was, as Lucifer had told him millions of times, still nuts.

Castiel remembers very vaguely a very worried Dean Winchester, his green eyes staring at him like he had lost the whole world and more, and he couldn't stand it; not that. Hate he could handle, fear…no. Not from Dean—not from any of them.

"Oh? Flashbacks, Cassie? I love those! Watch this!" With a snap of Lucifer's fingers the very ground beneath Castiel seemed to break apart piece-by-piece, boiling lava spurting out. Cas let out a horrified cry, falling flat on his ass, trembling as he watched every patch of earth around him seem to fade away to red and black. The heat was unbearable and Castiel gasped for air.

"The First Day was always my favorite!" Lucifer laughed as he elegantly landed in front of his brother, the fire that surrounded them within his eyes. Castiel looked up at him horrified. It was Hell-fire—Satan's domain.

"_N-no_…!" Cas garbled out and ran, the hallucination falling away under his white shoes. Lucifer sighed, watching him go with a longing look upon his face.

"_Baby come back_!" The Devil began to cry out, his hands coming to rest over his heart. "_You can blame it all on Lucy_!" Lucifer's smile grew wider as Cas grew farther away, arms spread out.

"No? It was too corny, wasn't it? Dammit! Hey, _Cas_!"

* * *

"You sure he went this way, Bobby?" Dean asked for the hundredth time as he walked deeper into the forest, Sam and Bobby trailing after him. Bobby rolled his eyes.

"Stop nagging me! I ain't that old yet, boy! Yes he went this way…He looked happy doing it too. I wasn't about to tell him no." Dean looked back at the older hunter, his eyes understanding but undoubtedly worried.

"We'll find him, Dean," Sam told his brother reassuringly. "There isn't much to explore out here, you know, once you reach the cliff." Dean only went faster, his green eyes even more worried.

* * *

Castiel ran with all his heart, his facial expression terrified beyond all belief. He ran into branches, twigs, and all sorts of other things but he kept on.

"Cas, I hate it when we fight…" Lucifer's voice said, echoing all over the forest. Cas let out a strangled sob, tears blurring his eyesight. Suddenly Lucifer manifested before him, arms wide, smile even wider, and Castiel tried to stop but couldn't. Castiel ended up rolling in the rocks, the angel dangerously close to the edge of a cliff.

Castiel rolled on his back, groaning. Satan smirked down at him, his forked tongue slipping out from beneath his teeth, his eyes flashing a hellish red.

"Look at you, you pathetic excuse for an angel…Did you really think that ignoring me, _me_, would honestly work? You bring such pain, Castiel…So much pain to the ones around you. You only know failure…You are a failure. A failure not only in mortal standards but divine ones as well. You have failed your Father, Castiel." Castiel looked up at Lucifer, his blue eyes gushing fat tears down the sides of his face.

"_S-shut up_…" Lucifer smiled victoriously, stepping closer. Castiel scrambled to get away, his left hand about going over the edge. Cas looked behind him, eyes wide as he looked down at the earth below, the trees seemingly the size of ants.

When did he get so close to the edge?

"Bet you can't even fly anymore," the Devil taunted even more, his eyes looking behind Castiel himself. Castiel gulped, looking back again. The angel stood up slowly and backed away from the cliff's edge, the divine being looking like a frightened child.

"Bet you wish you could though…" Lucifer whispered in Cas' left ear, the angel squeezing his eyes shut. "Bet you wish you could fly right off this cliff…Don't worry though, the Winchesters will be relieved you're gone." Castiel looked at his brother then, hanging on his every word brokenly.

"D-Dean?" Cas murmured and Lucifer nodded his head, faking sympathy. His left arm snaked itself behind Castiel's back, his hand going to the trembling angel's right shoulder. Castiel didn't seem to notice.

"Yeah, Dean'll be happy when you're gone, and so will Sam. You should hear what they say about you, it's sickening, even to my standards! They're always fighting over who should, quote, 'take care of Cas.' It gets rather violent too. They're always angry…always looking for a way to put you in a corner; out of the way. After all, no one cares that you're broken, Cas."

Castiel looked at his brother emotionlessly, tears streaming down his face.

"N-no o-one cares about…"

"No, no one cares, Cas," Satan told him simply, shrugging. "You're only a burden; a heavy one at that." Castiel looked down at his feet, the edge of the abyss barely a foot away from his beaten shoes. He nudged a small rock with his foot, watching it entrancedly as it lunged over the cliff.

Smiling, Lucifer let go, stepping away whilst Castiel stayed, his eyes glued to the earth below.

"Fly, Cas. Show me what you got. Do it."

Castiel took an uneasy step.

"Do it."

Cas took a more steady step, stumbling a bit, his blue eyes glazed over.

"_DO IT—" _

"—_CAS_!"

Castiel about swallowed his tongue as he spun around, the angel barely an inch away from certain death. Dean, Sam, and Bobby were looking at him with horrified looks upon their faces, their bodies tense. Castiel stayed impossibly quiet, his tears yet to stop streaming down his face, but he made no move to step away from the danger.

"C-Cas, c'mon…" Dean tried cautiously, a truly horrified sound coming for the back of his throat. He extended one hand towards the trembling angel and Cas looked as if Dean were about to strike him.

"_S-stay back_," Castiel warned and about stumbled backwards. Dean cursed loudly, the hunter looking ready to pounce on the angel in frustration. Sam rushed forward himself, the younger Winchester knowing exactly what the angel was going through.

"C-Cas he's not real…" Sam tried softly, Dean's eyes widening in realization. Castiel looked at him dead in the eyes then, panicked.

"Hey, _rude_," Lucifer scoffed, the demonic creature standing right next to the younger Winchester. "To think I actually thought we had chemistry!"

"Y-yes he is…He's right there…_Right there_, Sam!" Castiel pointed at Sam wildly, Sam looking sick. Dean was truly horrified then. Castiel wasn't better, he was _worse_! God, why hadn't they noticed this before?

"Look man, you gotta know what's real and what isn't…" Sam started and Dean looked at him pointedly. Those were his words to _him._ Sam's eyes flickered to his brother in acknowledgement for a split second before settling on Castiel again.

"I-I can't…" Cas mumbled through a wince, the angel slumping in on himself meekly.

"Yes you can," Dean told him strongly, taking a brave step forward. Cas looked at him nervously and Dean raised his arms up high in surrender, his green eyes misted over.

"Look at us, Cas; really. _We_ are real, and you're scaring the hell out of us man!" Castiel looked conflicted as he looked over at Sam; Sam who was currently being run-through by Lucifer's hand. The Devil smiled and waved.

"W-why…" Cas rasped, his hands pressing against his temples.

"All I'm asking is for you to trust me, Cas…Please," Dean pleaded softly, one hand extending towards him. Castiel looked at the hand warily then into Dean's teary eyes.

"Why should I? Why should you care—?"

"—'Cause you're family," Dean told him quickly, his green eyes piercing. Castiel gulped thickly, looking down. "You're family, Cas, and family sticks together through all the bad times—through all the shit. You're not alone man…We're here, always. You, Sam, and Bobby are all I got. Please don't make me lose you."

"Dean…"

"God that's romantic," Lucifer said, the Devil suddenly popping up right next to Dean. Castiel winced, his eyes falling onto him. Dean snapped his fingers in front of the angel's face, earning his attention. Lucifer huffed once then disappeared.

"Nothing is there, Cas, trust me…Trust _me_." Dean extended his hand again. Cas nodded his head wearily, his eyes red as he took the offered hand. Dean immediately pulled him away from the cliff and into his arms, the hunter backing away from the cliff carefully. Sam and Bobby ran up to them, both men looking relieved and worn to the bone. Dean seemed to refuse to let the angel go, proceeding to crush Castiel further into his chest in a tight embrace.

"Don't you ever do that again," Dean growled into Castiel's ear, his voice trembling. Cas smiled sadly, closing his eyes in defeat.

"…Alright."

* * *

**A/n: I had trouble ending this chapter…eep. It's longer than the others ahaha. Tell me what you think? :) Thank you for all the favs and follows! :D**

**Best wishes as always,**

**Lthien**


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